Hard task, am I right? It’s far too easy to go to work, make dinner, watch tv, and go to sleep. I know it’s what we do nearly every day. My most exciting part of the day is making a meal for us to savor together. I plan the menu a week in advance, do the shopping, and it’s the one thing I have complete control over for the two of us. Not to mention, I like to put effort into something that we can both enjoy even if just for a moment.
Truth be told, no amount of thought and effort put into these meals will result in any game changing epiphany. My husband simply thinks I am making dinner and it is something that happens every night and that’s life. It gets old. Even watching TV gets old. And shockingly, sex gets old.
Raise your hand if sex is always or almost always the exact same experience every time you have it.
God knows we have a go-to routine of missionary to cowgirl to doggy-style. It’s what we’ve had the best results in and what know works for both of us. But this same lineup does not make for a very vibrant sex life. Sex isn’t supposed to be predictable. It is supposed to be EXCITING!
Here are a few easy tips to start shaking things up in the sheets:
- Leave the sheets. Go to the dresser, the kitchen, the bathroom, the car, the guest bedroom. Changing the surroundings will spice things up without actually having to change the act.
- Keep the lights on. Yes, I know it is terrifying. But men are very visual creatures. They want to see you. Otherwise they might as well just be jerking it into a sock with their eyes closed imagining somebody else. You are there so that they do not have to pretend! You are their imagination come true. So flaunt yourself!
- Hurt him. We all know you’re mad at him for something so take out your anger in bed. I’m only slightly kidding here. But really, biting goes far. Bite his neck, bite his lower lip, bite his ear, bite any piece of skin your face happens to be pressed against at the moment. And choking never hurt anyone either… or has it? Just try it. As we learned from 50 Shades of Grey, being dominated is extremely hot (and trendy!).
- Wear new sexy lingerie. Self explanatory: Sexy panties are sexy, Granny panties are boner killers. Even if they are going to be removed, they are still there and he can still see them. Prepare yourself prior to the reveal. New lingerie will make him more turned on and is bound to boost your confidence too because who doesn’t like a new outfit?
- Shave. Speaking of preparing yourself prior to the reveal, please shave. Even if your man says he does not mind a bush, he does. I prefer going full on 12-year-old girl and shaving it all, but you can always just do the edges and trim. Just keep it nice, clean, and pretty. No one wants to fuck a bush. And don’t feel bad about asking him to do the same! Blow jobs are so much more bearable when your nose isn’t buried in pubes.
- Watch Porn. Go to RedTube.com, pick a video, and do what they are doing. This will change up your routine almost thoughtlessly because you’ll just be mimicking what someone else is doing. Easy. This can also be a way to sort of nudge your man into any act you might want that he isn’t giving you. Find a porno of what you want to happen, be sure to select said porno to watch/mimic during sex, and allow your fantasy to come to life. You’re welcome. WARNING: Do not select a video of something you are absolutely not willing to do. He may get the wrong idea and you’ll end up with a threesome or anal or something you might not be up for.
- Play music. It takes about 10 minutes to compile a playlist on your phone. Or you can simply put “Sex Songs” into Pandora if you don’t mind the mood being killed by advertisements. Having a good beat and rhythm makes things hot and we all have a song that makes us wanna LaLa. Here are some of our favorites:
- Pound the Alarm by Nicki Minaj
- Animals by Martin Garrix
- AYO Technology by 50 Cent feat. Justin Timberlake
- Clothes Off by Gym Class Heroes
- Good Feeling by Flo Rida
Here are a few advanced tips to shake things up in the sheets:
- Oral Sex. If you’re not already doing this, give your man a blowjob every once in a while and don’t act like you hate it. Even better, you should beg for it. And tell him how to please you in the same manner. This can be scary to openly communicate about such an issue. I feel like the best way to find out what the other wants is via sexting. So while you are sexting, describe the perfect oral experience for yourself and egg him on to take the texting reigns when it comes to the blow job part. He is bound to dish juicy details as to how he pictures the perfect exchange between the two of you.
- Anal Sex. I’ll admit, I haven’t done this one. But it is definitely something that we are keeping in our back pockets (ha, back pockets) for a special occasion where we both feel ready for it. Plus I know a few girls who adore it. Just make sure you have lube!
- Face Fuck. You’re going to think I’m crazy, but this is not all that bad. I highly doubt he’ll initiate it because he doesn’t want to hurt you and might be scared he is taking things too far. Give him permission. We don’t use throat numbing spray, but if you need, buy it and let him go to town. If he cums down your throat, you don’t have to deal with the taste in your mouth or the aftermath of him cumming inside of you. I could write an essay on this topic.
- Lights, Camera, Action. Record your sexcapades. This is just as frightening as the lights on tip. Your first time might not be perfect, but you will learn. My advice to you is to just start small with an iPhone. Grab your phone while you’re in the moment and record just a little bit. Best to start with just taping the actual inserting if you’re self-conscious about the rest of yourself. Learn from watching yourself on tape, just like football players! Plus, this is a great way to keep the fire going when you’re not together: Instead of watching two strangers fuck in pornos, you both can get off to watching yourselves fuck and it’s much more personal.
I could go on about some of these topics for days, so they’ll probably be featured in separate posts so I can go into more detail on them. Stick around!
And just remember, he will keep coming back for more regardless of what you bring to the table because he is your husband, but he will crave coming back if you keep things new and fresh.