Marriage Insurance: His Friends

There are several aspects of your husband’s life that you can tap into in order to gain extra “insurance” of having a successful marriage.

Let’s take a minute here to reflect on your husband’s friends. You might like them or you might not like them… maybe you hang out with them when your husband hangs out with them or maybe they are strictly his friends and you don’t see them around often. I highly suggest that you do two basic things:

1. Pretend to like his friends
2. Hang out with his friends (with him there of course, let’s not get scandalous)

I know they might be overbearing sometimes, but do you want your man to hear things like “How come your girl is never around?” and “Have you met his wife? She’s cold”? I didn’t think so. If you follow the 2-step process, your man will probably hear things like “______’s wife is so chill”.

Here are more-detailed tips for making sure his friends are your allies as well as his:

• Play House– When your man’s friends are over, offer them beverages and snacks. Pretend like this is second nature and smile. Even if you don’t always act like a Stepford Wife, his friends will be insanely jealous seeing their friend’s wife be so selfless.
• Look Good- This one takes a bit of improv. Whether it’s putting your makeup and clothes on and doing your hair when you go out with your husband and his friends or it’s “accidentally” having something a little sexy, yet “comfortable” on around the house. His friends will take that chapter of your life and assume that is the whole book. “That’s what he gets to be with all the time? Lucky. Man.”
• Give Blowjobs- I’m a big advocate of the blowjob thing. Get used to it. Now, I sadly do not know if guys actually talk about this stuff together. But in my mind I like to believe they do. Do you want your guy left out of conversation or do you want your guy saying “Guys… Your wives have nothing on mine. I literally get a blowjob after every shower”. Buy your Mint Chocolate Ice Cream flavored cream and get to licking ladies!
• Send Pictures- If he is with his friends and you are home, send him some naughty pictures. Odds are his friends won’t see or know at all, but if they do find out you will get just as much street-cred as the blowjob tactic.
• Don’t Show Your Crazy- Things happen in relationships. Terrible things. Scary things. Saddening things. Things that haunt your every thought and make you want to scream. You need to lock that in and not let them know that exists. You don’t want people talking about “____’s crazy wife” who is “always freaking out”. You want them to look at the two of you and think you’re perfectly happy.
• Support Him- Within reason. I mean, if he wants a Pokemon tattoo on his neck or something, please stop him. But if he wants to do something, the worst thing is to hear him tell his friends is: “My wife won’t let me”. He’s a man. Not your child. Even though he probably acts like it often.
• Let Them Overhear You- I’ve had a recent experience with this one. At a cookout, my husband asked if I wanted a hotdog when he got up to get one for himself. I responded “No thanks babe, I already got enough sausage this morning” in a flirty manner very well aware that his friend standing nearby could hear every word. The friend made a comment about it in which I acted embarrassed that he “overheard”. Of course I don’t care he heard. I actually prefer it. I want him to go back and tell all their friends so they know me as the badass wifey that makes sure her husband is happy and that my man is a complete baller who has it made. Win-Win.

These tips are sure to put you in his friends’ minds as a Badass Wifey. All guys want what is desired by others. If you convince his friends that you’re a badass, he is going to feel like a badass for landing you.

BONUS: If his friends see you and know you, they are less likely to encourage your man to do something stupid that could hurt your relationship and your man is less likely to do something stupid that could hurt your relationship if he knows you have open communications with his friends.

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